The Final Goodbye

Life is funny, interesting, and most of all you live and you learn. Well, this past experience with another failed relationship with a girl well, is definitely was a learning experience. This girl and I was on and off again from Feb. 3,2010- Jan. 25,2010 but we kept in touch even when we wasn't together. After the first girl broke my heart I didn't think I could love any harder than I did. Well, I was wrong because I loved the living hell out this girl only for it to come back and bite me in the ass big time! 


My Friends, well at that time told me I was stupid for going out with her and I saw where he was coming from but, at the time I was blinded by her beauty. This girl was very pretty, and in the beginning everything was pretty good. I was happy, she was happy everything was good. My friends would ask me how I got with a dime like her and to be honest I really didn't know, I was just happy she was mine. It was long distance because in Spring 2010, she went to Florida A&M and I was at Florida Atlantic University. I knew I was going to FAMU in the fall anyway so I figured if I could just wait it out until then everything would be fine.


The problems started to begin around spring break March 4-13 2010. The deal was for spring break was she had family out in Atlanta, Georgia and I had family in Georgia. They were in Marietta and Atlanta so I flew out there to see her and also see my family. Well, when I got there she was a no show. I was pissed for a number of reasons:


1.) I spent money to fly out to my family but to also see her, she was kinda the main reason I flew out there and I HATE WASTING MONEY!!!
2.) We were friends for a little while and I never fell so fast in my life, didn't love at the moment but I liked her a lot if she wanted my virginity damn, it was in her hands like silly putty.
3.) I wanted to spend time with my girl
4.) She waits until that Friday to tell me she ain't there. NO SHIT!!! What really made me mad is she had the audacity to tell me Friday and not just be straight up with it.
5.) Her excuse didn't add up. She said her brothers got shot, but I'm sure if they would have got shot I would have heard about it on the news. Marietta is only like 30-40 minuets from Atlanta and c'mon Atlanta rules everything in a 30- 1 hour radius. Not saying it couldn't have happened but I didn't believe her.


After that no-show things weren't the same. I should have just broke it off then right? Yea, I know I should have but damnit, I did. Why, I have no idea... maybe because I liked her so much I was willing to give her  another chance, so I did. In retrospect, I should have just told her it's over then because it only got worse.  You figured after she stood me up, she would get on her shit right, would come see me considering she had an apartment in Miami and FAU was only 40 minuets from Miami right? WRONG! She ain't do not a damn thing. Then she was going through some stuff and decided not to talk to me for 2 months. (We went April and May without talking and she hit me up like 3 days before her b-day June 5th) I damn sure should have ended it there but once again I didn't.. I was mad as hell tried to forget about her but, when she hit me up.. I came right back because it was summer time and that meant we would be at the same school in a short time period. At that point we had broken up, and I had got with a couple of other girls, that really didn't last that long but we stayed in touch. Then she drops the 3 letter word on me "I Love You" personally I didn't believe it because I ain't talk to her in like 2 months and now all of a sudden you love I wasn't buying it but, I knew what I felt for her was stronger than I thought because otherwise I wouldn't put up with is non-sense but it gets better.


So, I get accepted to Florida A&M around June and when I told her I knew we had a problem because she kept avoiding the subject and I'm like damn she this don't feel good, look good, or sound good. I was right because she said she had missed her family and wanted to go back up to Atlanta... but, just spring break you part of the reason why you left was because they were working your nerves. I'm not a selfish guy though I told her go see her family and she said I'm coming back to Florida so she made it seem like she was just going to take a year off and come back to FAMU, once again I was fooled.


By, this time I had fell in love with her but was with someone else  but, we ended up breaking up after my birthday with brings me to this point she didn't even say Happy Birthday. Shake my head.


So, around October I found out that she went to Clark Atlanta University. She said she didn't plan to go to Clark Atlanta but there's no way in hell you apply in late June early July and get in. She had to know she wanted to leave and just decide to give me the okie doke. She could have just told me flat out. I should have been done with her then but, for some reason I couldn't. Thanksgiving comes along, after my ride bailed on me I asked her to come pick me up and she talking bout gas money! GAS MONEY, GAS MONEY NIGGA??.. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME... LET'S BACK THAT UP... SHE SAID GAS MONEY!. I wanted to snap Gas Money what about the $300 I spent that I wouldn't had spent if we would of  just stuck to our original spring break plans which was to go all the beaches in Florida. That to me was the final straw so I broke up with her which I thought was for good. The girl, I was going to get with well that didn't work out and I knew I wasn't going to get a girl at Florida A&M so, I stayed in touch with her.


After a while though, I started to realize she started to get real stuck up it's like we just kept going in circles. We would have our bad times, and then have a brief moment of good times and it went back to bad times. It was an on going circle that shit, never ended. So, during the new year I decided if we were ever going to work out I had to lay down the law. I told her exactly what needed to change, this relationship was going to be 50/50 (because it was 100% all me before), told her this was not going to be a talk to me when you feel like it I was tired of that, she would have to call me more, actually make an effort, and come see me because she never once said Taroy, Imma come see you. Basically I told her it was my way or the highway. She told me stop bitching and that If I keep bitching she won't come see me. She said she had to check her schedule and if she wasn't busy she would come see me. What the FUCK!!! Like, I figured I would come first especially all the shit I put up with. I snapped after that, this was the biggest argument I ever had with her I definitely saw the BITCH come out of her that day. Selfish, Arrogant, Conceited, Stuck up Bitch is what she was that day. She said she can't help it, and even if all of her previous boyfriends let her get away with that shit I wasn't. She said she loved me but I highly doubt that you don't put the one you love through all that bullshit. It go so bad her mom had to calm me down saying Imma talk to her. That was on January 3, 2010. It's been 22 days later and I still haven't talked to her ass and I don't care no more. It's time to let the grieving process begin. For the 2nd time when I loved someone and we broke up I got no closure. I was hoping we could work it out but, I knew it probably wasn't going to happen. All the energy that I spent down the drain.  All my friends after the argument literally started to hate her, asked me why I am still with her but, only one friend knew my pain. "Love makes you do some crazy things." Thats what my friend said and shit, It's so true.


There's a lot of questions that I want answers too, that I didn't get and probably will never get, I never understood how you can love someone and then grow to hate them but, I see because that's what probably will happen. I tried to be there for her tried to be the best boyfriend to my ability and she didn't even care well least didn't show it. Don't get hurt a lot but, this shit hurts because at one point, I really thought I was going to marry her. Shit, I'm starting to wish I never met her. Wrote least four-five songs about her ungrateful ass but, there was a lesson learned from this. What is the lesson well shit, I don't know exactly but, I'll figure it out. I won't ever put up that much shit again in my life best believe that. She says her last boyfriend before me cheated on her and if she acted like that I could see why.. I know it's wrong but not a lot of niggas would put up with what I put up with. To think I saw the potential of you actually changing. I had picked out the engagement ring and was in the process of saving. Like my friend told me what a shitty way to learn a lesson in a year. Waste of year that's how I am going to look at it. I'm not even gonna lie shit hurt.


So, RaKya Hudson, I hope you find the right guy for you cause it definitely wasn't me, I hope you stop being conceited and all before it's too late. I gave you chance after chance to no avail. Took me a while but, I see you was just playing me. Shake my head, I was stupid for giving you chance after chance but, It's life, shit happens. I just hope you change your ways.


HAVE A GOOD LIFE

The Florida A&M Experience (Through the Fall 2010 Semester)

So Far my Florida A&M Experience has not been what I thought it would be. Coming from a guy who isn't the most fashionable guy in the world I feel like an outsider somewhat and I'm ok with that. I knew black people were more fashionable but damn this is getting out of hand. It's like a damn fashion show. The character should make the person not the clothes. Some people at Florida A&M are like just way into fashion like it's apart of them. I see nothing wrong with wearing sweatpants. Ok, maybe I wear them 3-4 days out the week but, when I'm cold I am going to wear something comfortable. I rather be comfortable and warm then cute and cold.


Coming from two different colleges before I transferred to FAMU I realized some people were like relationship oriented and that's what I am. Now, that I'm at FAMU and had a chance to observe people just about nobody is relationship oriented. Not even no where near it, it's just if you aren't down with having sex or calling each other "Boo" or "Babe" and not even be committed then you are going to feel like an outsider. I really think very few people at FAMU knows what the relationship actually means. Sad, but true. I don't get the whole playing games with each other. I never played games, and never intend to play games so, therefore I see playing games is pointless if you ask me. I don't think all people at Florida A&M are like that but I believe most are.


I knew once I got my acceptance letter it was going to be a different culture. Especially considering I never been around this large amount of black people in my life. I knew it was a party school and I'm not the party type but damn these people party here 24/7 like it's a religion or something. Find me a girl at Florida A&M wait..... let me REPHRASE THAT! A cute girl, who good values who doesn't party at Florida A&M and I'll talk to her ASAP! lol... These FAMU students love their clubs that much is evident.


The school work at FAMU is something I definitely was not prepared for. I was used to just studying for tests and calling it a day but J School (School of Journalism and Graphic Communication) is no joke! My first semester was horrible. I never had a semester like that in my life. Trust me It will be my first and my last semester that my grades will be that poorly. I must do better. Everything wasn't so bad, I just had to get accustomed and adjusted to the workload and I also was writing for the school newspaper doing the sports section. That right there is no joke, but I gained very good experience. I had my up's and down's with the newspaper but I'm better for it. At least 25 plus articles under my belt and I'm only going to get better. Covering the Florida A&M Lady Rattlers Women Volleyball Team was time consuming at times but I wouldn't trade that in for the world. I'm excited to get back to covering them in August. I hope soon to have my own sports radio show or something of that sort. Some of my closest friendships are from the Sports Section of the newspaper staff. I don't have many friends but, I need to be more sociable as well. It's a two way street that Im ready to venture out on and meet new people.


I think I have it narrowed down, a lot of people call me a NERD and I'm fine with that, I just need a girl that will be able to like me for me...so, I hope to find that girl at FAMU because hope is bleak but it's not all gone but we'll see untill then I will leave you with my favorite shirt I brought just recently and it fits who I am so well.